Beth El Ner Tamid Men’s Club Kallah
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Keruv Presentation by Al Simon
alsimon1@wi.rr.com      

Many, many years ago, back in the 1970’s I taught Sunday school for Temple Sinai. My students were in the 6^th, 7^th and 8^th grades. I remember the first time I walked into class. I wanted to establish some behavioral ground rules whereby students that wanted to learn could do so without being distracted by students that had little interest in whatever it was we were studying.

My ground rules were very simple.

I asked them not to talk unless they asked to speak.

Chewing gum was permitted, but no cracking the gum and no blowing bubbles. Sleeping was permitted, but no snoring.

Sooooo, if today you will follow these simple rules, I won’t have to send any of you to the principal’s office.

 Actually, something did happen during one of my Sunday morning’s at Temple Sinai. I was into my second year of teaching, and we were studying the story of Chanukah. One of the students raised her hand to tell me that this was her favorite Jewish Holiday. She explained that not only did she get presents for Chanukah, but she also received presents for Christmas.

 For a moment I was speechless. It had never occurred to me that some of the children in my class might be living in households in which one of the parents might not be Jewish. As a young teenager growing up in Milwaukee, not only were all of the boys and girls that I had for friends Jewish, but so were their parents and grandparents.

Back in the seventies, I knew that Temple Sinai was known as the most ultra Reform of the synagogues. But until my student made the Christmas celebration comment, I had not considered the possibility of these children coming from intermarried families. Remember, we are talking about events that occurred over thirty years ago.

My innocent concept of Jewish kids growing up with Jewish kids and coming from households with two Jewish parents blew up with my next two questions. I asked the class for a show of hands on how many had one parent who was not Jewish. Fifty percent of the kids raised their hands. I then asked how many celebrated Christmas and had a Christmas tree in their home. Fifty percent raised their hands.

The significance of this anecdote for us this afternoon is to remind us that for well over thirty years, the reform movement has been engaged in the Keruv process. By bringing the intermarried couples into the tent of the reform movement, they have not only created the greater possibility of having the children of the intermarried couple raised within the Jewish faith, they have also created the possibility of conversion for the non-Jewish parent.

 Back in 1960, when Barbara and I got married, right here at Beth El Ner Tamid Synagogue, Beth El had over 1,200 family units. That was forty seven years ago. At that time, you could probably count on one hand the number of intermarried couples that belonged to our synagogue. Also at that time, the number of our children who intermarried was so small, it barely registered on the radar screen.

But that was then, and the Jewish family unit has changed dramatically over the past fifty years.

 So let us begin with the definition of Keruv. The Hebrew word Keruv means to “bring near” or to “draw near.” We often use it as if it means to welcome or to be of a welcoming nature.

 When Men’s Club asked me to speak to you about the Keruv initiative taking place within the Conservative movement, I asked myself what I would like you to take away from this discussion. I came up with three items.

First, a brief understanding how this initiative got started and how I came to be involved at the local and national level. 

Second, what are the cultural changes that have taken place that make this topic so important for our time.

Third, what are the misconceptions about Keruv in terms of impacting our Synagogue and its families.

In January of 2004 I received a call from Rabbi Goldenholz asking me to meet with him. At our meeting he told me about his conversations with Rabbi Charles Simon of New York who was working on a project that could increase the probability of intermarried couples joining synagogues within the Conservative movement, as well as raising their children in the Jewish faith. Rabbi Simon was and still is the Executive Director of the Federation of Jewish Men’s Club for the Conservative movement.

Rabbi Simon was looking for a member of Beth El to attend the first Keruv Leadership Training Program in Baltimore, scheduled for March of 2004. Rabbi Simon had raised sufficient funds to fly, house, and feed a total of fourteen of us from around the country. They came from as far as California and as near as Maryland. Since that initial training seminar, I have attended succeeding seminars in 2005, 2006, and next Friday, I will be in Maryland our fourth gathering.

As of this date there have been about sixty lay leaders and 150 Rabbis from Conservative synagogues around the county who have attended the Keruv Consultant Training Seminars. Although the seminar content is similar for both the Rabbi’s and the lay leaders, the Rabbi’s seminars give special attention to ritual.  The cost of running these programs has been considerable, running into the hundreds of thousands of dollars all of which have been donated by individuals, families and foundations who believe in the importance of this initiative and its long term contribution to the Conservative Movement.

In order to have a sense of the importance of this program and why so much time and money is being spent on insuring its success, there are some facts and statistics that are vital to consider.

Based on the National Jewish Population Survey, Jews are marrying later and having fewer children. We are producing at a rate of 1.8 children per couple.

Twenty five percent of our children are not marrying. Jewish woman on average become grandparents 10 to 15 years after non-Jewish women.

A significant number of our children are marrying non-Jews. When the National Jewish Population Survey examined the statistics of Jews who married within five years of the study, they found 47% had married outside the Jewish religion. For a great many of our children who do intermarry and wish to maintain a Jewish home, the reform movement has been their primary choice of affiliation. The study also showed that the majority of conversions take place after 10 years of marriage.

Consider the surprising information regarding the average Jewish American household. The most common Jewish American Household consists of one adult Jew living alone. The second most common Jewish household is two adult Jews living together. Only then do we find what most of us assume to be the traditional Jewish household- two adult Jews, married to each other and with at least one child under the age of eighteen. In the study, this last group accounted for only 15 percent of the Jewish households. If we add mixed marriages to this group, the percentage increases to 30 plus percent.

Well, that’s a lot of statistics to digest, especially when you are unable to make written notes. So what do we need to take away from this information? Simply this. Many Jews are simply not getting married and of this unmarried group are not having children. Those of us that are having children are not even reproducing at a rate that takes us past a zero birthrate. The number of Jews that intermarry has become as large the number as those Jews that do not intermarry.

Why is this last statistic so important to us as a Jewish people and those of us who are members of the Conservative movement? Pretend for a moment that every Jewish person who has intermarried, came from a home in which both parents were Jewish. We already know that fifty percent of the marriages that are taking place are interfaith marriages. If today, one-half of all Jewish marriages takes place between interfaith couples, in which the Jewish partner came from a family where both parents were Jewish, can you imagine what the percentage of interfaith marriages will occur from their children who are being raised in households in which the parental role model is already composed of an interfaith marriage.

As great shifts in our society has changed from the time we as parents and/or children lived in homogenized neighborhoods, to an ever expanding geographical and educational lifestyle, we are witnesses to the true blending of Americans with respect to color and religion.

From the view point of the Federation of Jewish Men’s Club, the intermarried couples, along with their children are deserving of our Keruv initiative. And finally, based on the average wait of ten years before a non-Jewish spouse elects to convert, the Keruv project holds the prospect of creating many more Jews by choice.

It cannot be over emphasized that the Keruv project is not sanctioning intermarriage, but rather is reacting to the large number of Conservative Jews with intermarriage already in their own families.

And this leads us to what is perhaps, from the view point of a Conservative synagogue, the most important issue. The Keruv initiative is guided by Jewish Law and the Standards and Practices of the Conservative Movement. It has been designed with the belief that within our Conservative framework there exists the means to be a welcoming synagogue family to those Jews who choose to intermarry and wish to give their children a Jewish heritage.

 It is the hope of our Men’s Club Federation that thoughtful men and women of our movement will reflect the spirit of the mitzvah- “And you shall welcome the stranger among you.”